dispatch (end)

december, whatever.

It has been a very long and very short year; finally, it is almost over. The endless deluge of days that was 2024, with all of its feats and foibles, nearly broke me. There were weekends in May where I felt like things would never stop happening, and evenings in July in which I came to believe that nothing ever would. I’m home now, for a little bit or a long while; I don’t really know yet. This was the year I got good at failing; next year, I will become comfortable with it. There are many people I owe letters to, but instead I find myself developing increasingly contrived ways to waste time at my parent’s house. For example, I like to walk around the fancy grocery store for at least half-an-hour. The goal of this exercise is to make it so that all of the background noise, humming and clicking and sliding and beeping, completely disappears. After a while, it’s just you and the fluorescents; then, it’s mostly just the fluorescents. If you buy a drink before you leave, they won’t think you’re stealing, which you aren’t, of course, but you do get afraid that the cashier thinks you are. Or you can go for a run, anywhere between an hour and ninety minutes in which thinking isn’t allowed, and then spend another hour afterwards trying to catch your breath and lying on the cold garage floor, feeling every heartbeat and the residual pulsing blood. The aches and pain are better when you can feel them come on. You can start teeth whitening in a bathroom that isn’t exactly the one from your childhood, but it’s close enough, and lie to yourself that you will read a book and be on your phone less and watch a movie and call a friend. At least you can drive, here. At least there’s that.

To be honest, I find this diaristic sort of writing very frustrating. I often feel like I don’t have much to say; rather, I am compelled to not say much by virtue of the fact that my brain feels like mush and rot. I have also been writing a lot outside of this space, for various things I have a lot of hope for and a lot of fear about. Luck, I suppose, is something I am hoping for you to wish upon me in the new year. I have hope for other things, too, like getting good at failure and running a half marathon and taking more pictures and being more present. These hopes feel minor, not worth sharing. And besides, do you really want to know? I find it strange to use this as a place for updates, especially when I’m so isolated and lonely. Oh, well. In spite of all this, cheers, to more and better and worse and mostly just different.

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I saw a lot of shows in 2024. In fact, I think it is pretty easy to conclude that 2024 was the year in which I saw the most live music, and will likely continue to be as I do not foresee myself having the same life as I did in this very strange and circular year. Also, going to shows was maybe the only thing that brought me any joy between July and November. Don’t tally up the cost of these shows, please. That would hurt my feelings.

January 12, 2024 – Twin Films @ Richmond Music Hall, Richmond, VA

A great show, which I photographed. Only brought down in my eyes because my cat died the next day (probably the worst experience of my 2024, which I do not recommend whatsoever) and because my SD card totally corrupted. In actuality, I only took like three photographs I was happy with, of Gabe and Ben setting up their banner.

February 16, 2024 – Meridian Cover Night, Williamsburg, VA

My friends played a bunch of pretty little songs and I took a few pretty little photographs.

February 21, 2024 – The Accidentals Wren 10, Williamsburg, VA

This is just funny to include. I do not like a capella. I also, at some point, saw the Stairwells and the Intonations. I still did not like a capella after those, either, but I am proud of my talented friends.

March 23, 2024 – WCWM Fest 2024, Williamsburg, VA

One of the best days of my life probably. I love WCWM and my friends and taking photographs at shows.

April 3, 2024 – Slaughter Beach, Dog & Erin Rae, The Southern Café, Charlottesville, VA

Julia and Rowan and I drove from Williamsburg to Charlottesville to see Jake Ewald play this lovely solo set. Julia mixed bronchitis medication and Bold Rock, which was a bad idea, and Rowan told me everyone at the set looked like ‘a variation of you,’ after which I pointed out that we were wearing the same outfit.

April 5, 2024 – Get Back Soon & The Beekeepers, The Meridian Coffeehouse, Williamsburg, VA

Love <3

April 19, 2024 – SHEDSHOW, [LOCATION REDACTED], Williamsburg, VA

My lawyers have advised me not to comment. This was awesome.

April 26 & 27 – Dietz & The, The Meridian Coffeehouse & Chicho’s Backstage (w/ Horse Jumper of Love), Tidewater Region, VA

I was so tired and Abby couldn’t be there because they got sick, but this was really cool. The Horse Jumper guys were so nice, and I’m still so sorry to everyone involved for taking three months to edit these photos.

June 26, 2024 – Twin Films & Sweet Joey Vermouth, Get Tight Lounge, Richmond, VA

I don’t really remember this one. That period of time was a lot. Sure the boys were great, though.

July 23, 2024 – Sidney Gish, Secret Location, Bushwick, NY

This made me feel like I was 19 again, which is both good and bad and everything in between.

July 26, 2024 – Why Bonnie feat. Poolblood, Union Pool, Williamsburg, NY

Why Bonnie’s newest record was one of my favorites this year, and so to be able to hear it a few weeks before its release was so cool. I made my friend Kat come with and took photos in the photobooth and had one too many ciders.

August 16, 2024 – Slaughter Beach, Dog & Fenne Lily, The Rockaway Hotel, Rockaway Beach, NY

This show somewhat unintentionally led to one of the coolest experiences of my entire life. It was pretty sick.

August 18, 2024 – Neil Young Cover Night, Baby’s All Right, Williamsburg, NY

Greg Mendez <3

August 21, 2024 – Sadurn, Elsewhere, Bushwick, NY

Made me feel 20 again, which is mostly bad; I saw Leonor at this show and we hung out a bit.

August 27, 2024 – Fenne Lily, Tim Heidecker, and Snail Mail, SummerStage, New York, NY

This was the coolest thing I’ve ever done. Thank you to Fenne and the band and to Holly and everyone that helped make this happen. I will never do something this insane again.

September 7, 2024 – Built to Spill, Webster Hall, New York, NY

Henry called me 30 minutes before BtS went onstage and I spritned to the train so I could go to this show. There’s Nothing Wrong with Love is one of the best albums ever and I am so grateful to have been able to see it live.

September 13, 2024 – Kitchen, Location Unknown, Bushwick, NY

There were like 12 people there and they all knew each other. I bought a shirt from James and he was really nice. There was a VCR playing The Muppets.

October 2, 2024 – Liquid Mike, Baby’s All Right, Williamsburg, NY

This was sick.

October 5, 2024 – hemlock, Greg Freeman & Merce Lemon, Baby’s All Right, Williamsburg, NY

Weird night.

October 18, 2024 – Meridian Homecoming, Williamsburg, VA

I love my friends. I miss them a lot.

October 25, 2024 – MJ Lenderman, Music Hall of Williamsburg, Williamsburg, NY

The Year of the Lenderhead.

December 14, 2024 – Bucko, The Bowery Electric, New York, NY

This was a really great way to close out the year. I love Bucko and I want to thank Ava for making my month. You should go listen to Bucko because they’re awesome and also really nice people.

That is 22 shows, which is a lot, and I am very grateful for music this year! It helped me through a lot of change and uncertainty and I do not know where I would be if I was not able to go to all those concerts by myself this summer. Speaking of music…

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My favorite album to come out this year was Manning Fireworks by MJ Lenderman. Yes, yes, I know, I can hear you all shouting ‘Makes sense!’ but it truly was just a really good album. I think about it a lot, still, even when it’s not in my heavy rotation. My favorite ‘new to me’ album this year was Magnolia Electric Co. by Songs, Ohia. My favorite release from one of my friends was dietz’s heatsick (biased, because I took all the photographs for this).

I did not read that much this year, which was a failure on my part. I spent 2024 getting very used to failure. This is a good thing. Anyway, I read only one more book than the number of shows I saw – 23. My favorite book to come out this year was Intermezzo by Sally Rooney (again, yes. I understand). My favorite new-to-me fiction book was Boy Parts by Eliza Clark; for non-fiction, it was The Lonely City by Olivia Laing; short story collection was Cool for America by Andrew Martin & poetry was Actual Air by David Berman. I am currently reading Nevada by Imogen Binnie and Dylan Goes Electric by Elijah Wald.

The best movie I watched this year was High and Low dir. Kurosawa. My favorite movie I watched this year was Carol dir. Todd Haynes. The best new movie I watched this year was Challengers dir. Guadagnino. The worst movie I watched this year was David Lynch’s Dune, which I watched on the plane home for Christmas.

I think tonight I’m going to watch 200 Cigarettes. It is very rare that I have New Year’s Eve plans, which is why I’m writing this recap, so I’ll take the chance to watch a movie I’ve never seen and have a few (gluten free) beers and maybe cry a little bit. It’s also free on the Internet Archive, if you want to join me.

Below, I have included a list of songs I’m taking into the new year. Listen, if you’d like.

I hope you had a good night, and that the new year brings many more. I hope there are warm days when you are expecting cold ones, and vice versa, because these pleasant surprises are, in some sense, guaranteed. I hope you eat good food and drink good (or, in place of good, passable) drinks, and that you see your friends, and that you are able to tell them that you love them.

Sincerely,

Van